Communication

I once heard someone say that we should talk to our children as if they are who they will someday become. That was powerful to me. I think most parents think their children are amazing; if you don’t believe that, you’ve probably never had a conversation with a young parent whose baby has started smiling, rolling over, crawling, or walking ahead of the expected schedule. We all feel that we have a gifted one on our hands and our hopes and dreams of what our baby will be fill us with pride. 

Eventually, we all get caught up in the mundane of everyday life. Diapers, dishes, homework, practices, cleaning, work, and making dinner fill our days with distraction and duty. We forget to look for the amazingness of these people that we love so much. Our communication with them changes from the early encouraging and loving sounds, to more critical and business-like conversation. If we could only see them for who they will someday be - doctors, lawyers, mothers, fathers, teachers, nurses, engineers, nurturers, or breadwinners – we would naturally show respect to them through the way we talk. We would be less likely to throw out drill sergeant-like commands or sharp reprimands.

 Ginott writes about the importance of positive communication between parents and children.

“Parents set the tone of the home. Their response to every problem determines whether it will be escalated or de-escalated. Thus, parents need to discard a language of rejection and learn a language of acceptance…It's a language that is protective of feelings, not critical of behavior.” (Ginott, 1965)

What a better place our homes would be if we learned how to de-escalate problems and replace rejection with acceptance. I think we often forget the power of our words when we correct our children.

“…words can brutalize as well as civilize, injure as well as heal. Parents need a language of compassion, a language that lingers lovingly. They need words that convey feelings, responses that change moods, statements that encourage goodwill, answers that bring insight, replies that radiate respect. The world talks to the mind. Parents speak more intimately, they speak to the heart, when they adopt a language of caring, which is sensitive to children’s needs and feelings. It not only helps children develop a positive image of themselves that is confident and secure but also teaches them to treat their parents with respect and consideration.” (Ginott, 1965)

Establishing a pattern of positive and respectful communication with our children ends up being a symbiotic relationship. They return the favor and it’s truly a win-win situation. In terms of communicating with children, we reap what we sow.

Works Cited

Ginott, H. G. (1965). Between Parent and Child: New Solutions to Old Problems.